ROLE MODEL MANIA

Role models ...

... We're always on the prowl for them, especially parents. Parents desperately seeking role models for their kids. For a good few years I always wondered why there was this obsession for having people 'the kids should look up to'.
Parents seem to look everywhere, especially allover the media but there is always one place that tends to get overlooked - at home. I'm sure the phrase 'home is where the heart is' could and should apply to this to right?
Why not be that role model that you are so desperately seeking?
I'm not sure if it's due to feeling inadequate, or not really thinking about it but a lot of the times we are pushed to find role models ... out there, in the big wide world.
These days, a lot of parenting is done outside of the home, with people actually spending less time at home. Kids are in school most of the day, parents are working most their days and the weekends both are too busy to spend time with the other.
We expect the education system to discipline the kids, and celebrities (who for the most part are kids themselves) to lead kids down the right path.
These should take root at the home and maybe a little influenced by these outside factors and not the other way round. Rather than pushing the likes of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus on the kids and then flying into rages when they either grow up or if they don't live up to the expectations put on them.
Role models are just simply role models,they aren't gods - they are human beings too and as humans we are known for making mistakes.
If we can get kids to love themselves just half as much as their idols, then the right path is already being achieved. Role model ideals are meant to be adaptable and transferable and relevant to our lives and we are meant to find ways to filter those positive ideals into our lives and not the other way round.
Kids just need to learn to love themselves, appreciate themselves and learn to want to be the best that they can be and the best people that can teach them that are the parents.

OUR ACTIONS DEFINE US

" not everything is black & white, not everyone is just good or evil - there is some gray matter and we should be judged by our actions "

ISLAMAPHOBIA PARANOIA

It's getting a little too much.

How comfortable we have all become blaming Islam and Islamists and the Middle East in general for all our problems. There are so many holes in that theory to sink my teeth into that I almost don't know where to begin.

First of all, like many other religions - Islam is everywhere. Let that fact sink in for just a little while.

It's not confined to Pakistan, Afghanistan or Al-Qaeda.

Islam is a religion right? And just like other religions (i.e Christianity), there is Islam in every continent of the world but unlike Christianity which is welcomed with almost open arms, Islam has everyone up in arms. It is considered a threat, something very strange and different.

There are Muslims in Europe, the majority may have come as immigrants but they are here.

There are Muslims in other African regions besides the northern region, take a look at Nigeria, Angola, Sudan - the populations may not be as large as Egypt or Algeria but they are there.

There are Muslims in Asia, where Islam began but not just in south or western regions that we attack on a regular basis but also in the orient - e.g. Cambodia, Brunei and Malaysia.

There are even Muslims in America, the country that seems to fear them the most.

Now I am more than aware that some horrendous things have been done in the name of Islam and/or Allah but according to history Christians weren't shy of doing the same things either, all in the name of religion.

We waste so much energy being hateful towards Muslims because of their faith, and we condemn millions because of a minority. I thought the idea wasn't to judge a book by it's cover but judging people by their actions.

As a populace we are all a little prejudice, some even racist but I thought the idea was to overcome it, not be engulfed by it.

When I am going about my day, I have better things to occupy my mind than keeping an eye on the man wearing a thobe or the woman in a hijab when on the bus or train "in case they are carrying a bomb".

It's silly, I may as well find all sorts of reasons to be fearful of different people for all sorts of reasons and become a nervous wreck.

• Have a panic attack whenever I see a soldier because you never know if they are suffering from PTSD and may just shoot everybody.
• Pee my pants whenever I see a youth in a hoodie because he's up to no good.
• Become paralysed with fear whenever I see a black guy at night because he's out to rob and rape.

Is it really necessary to persecute millions because of a select much fewer?

If that is the cause then every single one of us should be on the line, we are always to busy finding reasons to hate one another.

FIND YOUR OWN 'SLICE' OF HEAVEN

This one is mine.

I woke up to this view one day, the sun was on my face and although my eyes were not happy about the initial glare, once they got over that - the view was so nice, the sun felt so warm and the sky was so blue that it felt good and it made me smile ...

I rolled over to grab the phone and took a snapshot - my heavenly moment immortalised forever.

It is definately something I look back on whenever the chimera of sh*tty days feels the need to rear its unwanted and ugly face.

BUT WHAT'S YOURS?

It can be something tiny or even something of grandeur but either way make sure that it is your own bit of heaven and not the idea of heaven pushed onto you by others. The 'slice' of heaven is yours - why should other people be telling you what it is like or shoving their own ideals into it?

Think of it as a game of  The Sims - you have built your perfect town/city, with all the people, buildings and whatever other trappings you want in it. Now let's say you forgot to press save or even pause and had to rush to answer the phone/door etc, come back to find your cat/sibling has wrecked your household or that a Sim has come to an unfortunate end (death by meteor).

Or better yet - you have just built your tower out of building blocks or LEGO and somebody decides that it is time to knock it down.

In either scenario you would be pissed.

So find what is heaven to you and strive for it, make it happen - only you can do it because it is yours. You may need the occasional help and assistance but you are the overseer.

Alice has her wonderland, what's yours?

YO DIVAWITCH! SCREW YOU!

To the douchebag at Heaven(nightclub) that made me feel like a second-class human being ...

SCREW YOU!

I hate to be made to feel like scum, and even with a variety of racist remarks I had thrown at me during my life, I never felt that way ... up until this past weekend. 

It was a bff's birthday and when you are young and living in the city, what better way to celebrate than eating (pigging) out and hitting a nightclub right? Well that is exactly what we did and of we went to Heaven (a superclub, caters mostly to the gay market - but not exclusively) ... or so I thought.

Now I know the gay community get discriminated against left, right and centre but I always saw people ... as people - at the end of the day when we get hurt we all feel the same pain and we all bleed the same.

I was literally on a complete but totally natural high, I was with friends and had a few jokes with security (they are great people's) until this particular asshole decided to open his mouth. That is probably why this negative experience really hacked me off.

There I was minding my own having a good time until divabitch decided he had to pick a bone with me.

Looking me dead in the face and banging on about how he couldn't stand straight people, they made him sick and who did I think I was to invade his space (even though he was the one in my space getting all confrontational) and so forth.

I'm not going to lie - it affected me and instantly I felt like a germy second-rate person ... simply for existing.

WTF!

That is beyond uncool.

I literally felt as though he had marched over and slapped me across the face.

Now I know that living in a 'straight man's world' is hard and because of that if you aren't straight, life may throw you one too many lemons but not every straight person is an asshole, some of the most important people in my life are gay and as far as I'm concerned it never was a barrier to how I see or relate to them.

But now I feel that view has been marred by divawitch's outburst - gay people are f*@king mean!

It's ironic because I thought that gay communities were all about love without bounderies, accepting people for who and what they are but what I am starting to see is, that community appears to be one of the most judgemental ones out there with an abundance of social stratification within itself. It's this margin of the bitter few that distorts how the gay community is perceived by everybody else.

And once again to divawitch ...

... I'll be surrounded by better people than you (whether straight or gay), my breasts (which you partially aimed your rant towards) will always be bigger than yours, I'm clearly happier than you and I'll always be prettier than you!

[OH YES I WENT THERE]

Now take your miserable venom and choke on it - (I feel soooo much better)

P.S.
Whether you are gay or not, I still love you but I'm not feeling any pride for the community at the moment but the love will return once the injury to my pride and self-esteem has subsided. I am disappointed.

VULNERABILITY AND EXPOSURE

It's something a lot of us fear and do anything to avoid - having or displaying moments of vulnerability, exposure is scary business. But what is even scarier is the things we do to hide it, unfortunately we do whatever it takes not to be exposed, sometimes (most of the time) making situations worse rather than better.

That is what I have been doing for a while now and I have finally come to the realisation and conclusion to STOP, hold the press, re-evaluate and be proactive about how I deal with anything that challenges my fear of exposure and being vulnerable. It all begins with acknowledging it, you can't confront any problem if you don't acknowledge it - it's almost like a form of acceptance. To fix it, it has to exist otherwise you are just wasting time trying to correct something that you don't acknowledge.
I may have made it sound easy but it isn't necessarily the case, if it were - we would never have any problems in confronting and overcoming our issues. Essentially we have to be willing to open the floodgates and let the dam burst.
And for people who are as guarded and feel the need to be in control as much as I do ... that is a hard thing to do - letting go.
But that is what I'm going to practice doing because in the end, it will be better for everyone - but most importantly for yourself.
Don't forget that.

THE LAST SATURDAY OF AUGUST

It's finally here, 2013 is sure flying by quickly - next thing you know it will be Halloween, then Christmas and then New Year. Time, it's scary stuff. Well the "deep thinking" aside, today it's my friends birthday and I guess there is no better reason to make the most of it, that and the fact that the weather is awesome - sun and blue skies baby, sun and blue skies!

I have a couple of things bouncing around my head - what will I wear (the forever "I have no clothes" dilemma), should I take my camera, etc, etc, etc. Typical first world problems. Either way I'm just glad that I am going to be spending time with awesome people, hit one of our favourite restaurants (Ping Pong), and go PARDEE! Tonight will be time to make some lasting memories ...

BE A CHAMPION ...

... be one as much for yourself as for others. In fact be one more for yourself than for others.

Why?

Because if you don't feel or believe yourself to be a champion, when you have to be one for others you have to pretend to be and that is much harder especially if someone depends on you to be their champion. It becomes difficult to maintain, gets mingled with resentment and if anything it may end up making you feel worse (hell like sh*t) rather than better.

If you are able to be a champion for yourself and really believe it ... a sh*tload of things will improve.

You will notice and feel changes, I'm no expert but I can guarantee you that.

1. If you believe yourself to be a champion = you will feel like a champion.
2. If you feel like a champion = you will act like a champion.
3. If you act like a champion = people will believe that you are a champion.

If you are able to get other to believe that you are a champion, without having a put on a façade or getting home and not feeling like dying, crying, punching a wall or all three plus more - then you have truly earned that title.

Wear it like a boss!

The most important reason to be one for yourself is that you will feel better about yourself in general, so go out there, hum the theme tune to 'Rocky', run up a flight of stairs or a hill, and shout 'I'm Queen/King of the World!' - I dare you!

CREATIVE DECISION/EPIPHANY

Creative juice runs in my family, it is pretty much in our blood - it is futile to fight it, you'll only get frustrated.

I have been watching my aunt's creative genius for the last couple of months as she crafted the most pretty things out of nothing - her creative flair turned that nothing into something pretty spectacular.

She has always had canvases in her home and I have always associated them with paintings or photography, you know - the standard forms of art.

BUT WHO SAYS ART HAS TO BE STANDARD ... DUH!

My aunt aunt came home today with two blank canvases in tow and I got hit with an epiphany of creativity that pretty much changed how I will now look at canvases - forever!

I can't wait to get started.

WORDS OF WISDOM: THAT'S WHAT GODMOTHERS ARE FOR

Like the majority of the women in my family, my aunt is a formidable woman.

She has a way of making you see clearly, you may not always agree with her point of view but she does make sense - not the kind who argues for the sake of arguing (we need less people like that in the world anyway)

The main reason I write this blog, is so that I can sort out the jumble that goes through my brain and learn from all sorts of thoughts, hypotheses I come across. Things that I work on to help myself and I believe that could be useful to at least one other person in the big, wide world.

Not that many years ago I carried what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders (really NOT good for you), and had a series of nervous breakdowns, panic/anxiety attacks with a slight onslaught of depression. Not exactly my best moments in time but it is something I still am learning from today, and minimising the burdens I do carry is something I still am doing and working on to this very day - that and changing my thought process/outlook on life.

As caring as my nature can be, I am slowly learning that it is not my job to save the entire world but to make as many positive contributions towards it and myself - at the end of the day, we are only normal superheroes and not quite supernatural, at least not just yet anyway.

After asking my aunt (who is also my formidable godmother) whether she has had any breakdowns of that kind, she gave me a pep talk of sorts that lead to various epiphanies exploding in my mind. 

• NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS ARE NOT ANYTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF - More people than you know have suffered from them and it doesn't mean that you are crazy.
• BREAKDOWNS ARE MEANT TO MAKE YOU STRONGER - If you are able to analyse the cause and work on it, you are not supposed to let it beat you and make you afraid. She it as your brain telling you to stop, it is overloaded and that it needs a reboot.

I told my aunt that after my breakdown, things were not quite the same again and she quite rightly told me that they are not supposed to, otherwise there wouldn't be a breakdown in the first place. I hit my damn and it broke and although picking up the pieces and re-building it may be laborious and difficult - it has to be done. The difference is that this time, you analyse the pieces, you put back what is supposed to be put back, discard what wasn't meant to be there in the first place, renew and replenish with new pieces, and tend to the damn every now and then - you will know yourself better and be more wiser for it.

My godmother may not be a fairy but she is still magical - I can see things much more clearer now.

BUT THAT'S GAY!

Whether you are a man who loves men or a woman who loves women ... who am I to judge, right?

Well just to clarify - I don't.

I judge people on the type of people they are, what is known as character and some of the most awesome people in my life are gay and it makes no personal difference to me.

BUT

What I don't get is why two women in a relationship appears to be slightly more socially accepted than two men - it's "sexy" to be a lesbian but "disgusting" to be gay. Last time I checked being a lesbian makes you gay too ... 

These types of judgements are usually expressed (and loudly too) by males, but that doesn't mean that there aren't homophobic females either but I tend to hear more open expressions of dismay/disgust or any other diss in general from males.

I myself have been asked more times than I can count if I have ever kissed a girl or if I would - I usually tend to ask the same question in return to the GUY who has asked me that question and the response I usually get is of incredulity, disgust, offence, anger or even all of them combined.

If you react that way, then what makes you think that a female you ask that too wont feel the same way? DUH!

I don't find the question offensive but I do find the double standard offensive, especially when I hear the retort "that is soo gay".

I guess I will never understand or accept why it's "okay" for girls to be gay but not guys - it shouldn't really matter ... at least I don't so anyway.

A DECLARATION

Cuckoo!

To, you who makes me smile daily.

I may have been the one who was at your door but you took me in and put me in a safe haven, giving me the space to chip away at my own cocoon.

I'm not yet a butterfly but since your arrival, I feel that soon I will be.

You are so integrated into my thoughts that 'without you' isn't an option worth contemplating. You fill me with unconditional pride with not only myself but in everything you do.

The lack of a masquerade is what I like the most, we are too busy bringing down self-built walls and having fun like school kids. Reality is there but it is absolutely fun, it may even be scary but challenge accepted ...

... challenge accepted xxx

IT'S OKAY TO BE MAD/SAD ... AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DWELL ON IT.

Try as we might, it is hard to be happy every single second of everyday - shit does happen, but what is important is how we handle it.

I try my best to see the positive side of things but sometimes like many others, I struggle and other times I just can't and may rely on a friendly face to pull me out of my funk. Contrary to a lot of modern beliefs - it is okay to be mad, sad or hurt every now and again, as long as it is just kept that way. If not, it becomes like a poison and you get used to feeling and harboring negativity and either it festers and you become an angry crone/perpetual scrooge or you just find yourself always put-out and/or depressed.