VULNERABILITY AND EXPOSURE

It's something a lot of us fear and do anything to avoid - having or displaying moments of vulnerability, exposure is scary business. But what is even scarier is the things we do to hide it, unfortunately we do whatever it takes not to be exposed, sometimes (most of the time) making situations worse rather than better.

That is what I have been doing for a while now and I have finally come to the realisation and conclusion to STOP, hold the press, re-evaluate and be proactive about how I deal with anything that challenges my fear of exposure and being vulnerable. It all begins with acknowledging it, you can't confront any problem if you don't acknowledge it - it's almost like a form of acceptance. To fix it, it has to exist otherwise you are just wasting time trying to correct something that you don't acknowledge.
I may have made it sound easy but it isn't necessarily the case, if it were - we would never have any problems in confronting and overcoming our issues. Essentially we have to be willing to open the floodgates and let the dam burst.
And for people who are as guarded and feel the need to be in control as much as I do ... that is a hard thing to do - letting go.
But that is what I'm going to practice doing because in the end, it will be better for everyone - but most importantly for yourself.
Don't forget that.

WORDS OF WISDOM: THAT'S WHAT GODMOTHERS ARE FOR

Like the majority of the women in my family, my aunt is a formidable woman.

She has a way of making you see clearly, you may not always agree with her point of view but she does make sense - not the kind who argues for the sake of arguing (we need less people like that in the world anyway)

The main reason I write this blog, is so that I can sort out the jumble that goes through my brain and learn from all sorts of thoughts, hypotheses I come across. Things that I work on to help myself and I believe that could be useful to at least one other person in the big, wide world.

Not that many years ago I carried what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders (really NOT good for you), and had a series of nervous breakdowns, panic/anxiety attacks with a slight onslaught of depression. Not exactly my best moments in time but it is something I still am learning from today, and minimising the burdens I do carry is something I still am doing and working on to this very day - that and changing my thought process/outlook on life.

As caring as my nature can be, I am slowly learning that it is not my job to save the entire world but to make as many positive contributions towards it and myself - at the end of the day, we are only normal superheroes and not quite supernatural, at least not just yet anyway.

After asking my aunt (who is also my formidable godmother) whether she has had any breakdowns of that kind, she gave me a pep talk of sorts that lead to various epiphanies exploding in my mind. 

• NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS ARE NOT ANYTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF - More people than you know have suffered from them and it doesn't mean that you are crazy.
• BREAKDOWNS ARE MEANT TO MAKE YOU STRONGER - If you are able to analyse the cause and work on it, you are not supposed to let it beat you and make you afraid. She it as your brain telling you to stop, it is overloaded and that it needs a reboot.

I told my aunt that after my breakdown, things were not quite the same again and she quite rightly told me that they are not supposed to, otherwise there wouldn't be a breakdown in the first place. I hit my damn and it broke and although picking up the pieces and re-building it may be laborious and difficult - it has to be done. The difference is that this time, you analyse the pieces, you put back what is supposed to be put back, discard what wasn't meant to be there in the first place, renew and replenish with new pieces, and tend to the damn every now and then - you will know yourself better and be more wiser for it.

My godmother may not be a fairy but she is still magical - I can see things much more clearer now.